There is always one person who changes your life for the greater good. One who reminds you of your capabilities and true potential. One who stands behind you even when you're at your weakest point in your life and gives you that extra push, not demanding, but gently, ready to catch you when you fall and to lift you up and get you moving again.
During my training thus far, there were times I wanted to circum to my weaknesses and fatigue, feeling utter defeat over not being able to be perfect. And each and every time, I was thrown back into the ring. That towel being taken away from me before I was ready to throw it in. Not by a physical push, by gentle words of wisdom and insight from an outsider's point of view.
There were instances where I felt physically and mentally incapable of going to my classes due to stress building from days of being a stay at home mom. But I was always reminded why I was doing what I was doing, reminded of the love I have for my renewed passion, reminded how far I've come so far and also reminded of the results of my labours.
Years ago when I had transformed into someone else, not myself, this is when I was reminded of my great first true love. I was taken to an awesome performance, the Shaolin Monks. This performance reminded me what proper training, determination and love for an art could achieve.
Today I want to thank you. Thank you for standing by me and believing in me when I lost my faith. Thank you for gently pushing me to be the better person you know I am capable of. Thank you for picking me up when I feel weak and not able to go on. And thank you so much for being my partner in life, not only do I have a wonderful loving husband, but I have a best friend who not only teaches me the difference between right and wrong through your own actions but someone I can confide in and knowing you will be honest with me even when the truth hurts.
Thank you Rob, for being you. Without you, I would never have started down this path of healing, love and better understanding of myself.
Friday, October 30, 2009
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
About Being A Part Of Something Greater Than Yourself
Well yesterday I received a nice little surprise in the form of an email that Sensei sent to me. It was an invitation to attend "a Kobudo Seminar" in Fort Wayne, Indiana. We would be car pooling to attend the day event, leaving dark and early on Saturday, November 21 at 5:00 am, to drive the 6 hour drive to Fort Wayne, then attending the seminar from 12:00 pm to 5:30 pm, then driving back and getting back to Appleton at about 11:00 pm. Sounds pretty nonchalant right? Well, the seminar is the International Shuri Ryu Association Kobudo Seminar hosted by Hanshi Bowles, who happens to be a 10th dan in Shuri Ryu. YIKES!!!!
After doing a bit of questioning and a bit of online research I found out the rest of the information last night and about the International portion today. I had mentioned that it was a goal of mine to meet and train with all the Chief Instructors, well that may just happen, sooner than what I had thought. Very EXCITED!
I am completely in awe of this new found/renewed passion of mine. Years ago up in Canada, I trained, went to tournaments, met but didn't really meet some great martial artists but never had the chance to learn and train from them. I wish I could record all of these special moments so I can review them over and over again... minute detail by minute detail.
I feel like a small little fish in a huge ocean filled with great fish, not being devoured but allowed to swim along side them, learning how to be a great fish. Maybe I'll try to transform from that fish into a sea sponge, and just soak up all the information so that I can go forth and reproduce from my knowledge.
After doing a bit of questioning and a bit of online research I found out the rest of the information last night and about the International portion today. I had mentioned that it was a goal of mine to meet and train with all the Chief Instructors, well that may just happen, sooner than what I had thought. Very EXCITED!
I am completely in awe of this new found/renewed passion of mine. Years ago up in Canada, I trained, went to tournaments, met but didn't really meet some great martial artists but never had the chance to learn and train from them. I wish I could record all of these special moments so I can review them over and over again... minute detail by minute detail.
I feel like a small little fish in a huge ocean filled with great fish, not being devoured but allowed to swim along side them, learning how to be a great fish. Maybe I'll try to transform from that fish into a sea sponge, and just soak up all the information so that I can go forth and reproduce from my knowledge.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Revelations of the Cranky Karate Mom
Today was a very frustrating one. I was very crabby, and it seemed everything I did, I wasn't doing it fast enough, or good enough, I was always lacking. So to add to my frustrations was the annoyance of not being able to be with oneself, to keep the mood away from others so it doesn't spread like a disease and infect everyone in its path. Well being a stay at home mom, that's not going to happen unless you have some reliable babysitters or a nanny to take care of your children. I was a frazzled mess by the time Rob came home. I sat on the couch and just let the girls climb all over me, I was done even trying to fight and move them off of me. I just didn't care. I was done. I wasn't even going to go to the dojo because the mood I was in. Rob had convinced me otherwise. He knows me better than I know myself sometimes.
I got to the dojo well before my class was to start, so I sat in the change room and read the women in the martial arts magazine I had sitting in my car the last few weeks. At home I don't have time to read during the day, and for the last week or so, Rob and I have become couch potatoes at night. Just spending time curled in each other's arms watching tv. I can't complain. I love snuggling. But I digress. I paged through the magazines reading the articles that interested me and then headed out to the observation area. Karla was watching Beau, her son, in the youth class. I'm hoping she stays for the adult class because its nice to have female companionship as well. Karla and her son have been away from the dojo for the last week and a half, both had the same cold/flu that Rob and I had. They are on the mend but I let Karla know it will take a while until its fully out of the system.
The youth class is over and Karla is staying. Its just her and I with Sensei tonight. With Karla not being up to par in health, Sensei decided we were going to take things easy. Going over things slowly with only technique, no power, just getting the flow of things, which I was very happy with, especially having the day I just had. We did the Ippon slow, I worked on my 5 once again as Sensei took Karla up to Ippon 12. Then we did Kihon, and same thing, I worked on my 5, while Sensei went ahead with Karla up to 12. Then we did Wunsu Kata, twice, very slowly, just focusing on technique. Then we did Wunsu Bunkai (which is done with multiple partners, this is the application of the kata with attackers) with two attackers. Sensei was attackers 1, 3, 5, 7, 9 and 11 and Karla was attackers 2, 4, 6, 8, 10. We all start together, since I'm defending I'm the one who "calls the shots", with both attackers on either side of me, I call everyone to attention by saying, "Kiotsuke" (meaning Attention), "Rei" (meaning bow), Wunsu Bunkai, Saisho yoi (which translates as first beginning, but is basically the opening of the kata), then I say, "Attackers to position!" The first attacker stands in front of me and I start performing my kata but with purpose, I have people assisting me in the kata, them doing the attacking as I defend. We did this over and over, me being the defending for 3 whole rounds of Wunsu kata, then me being the attacker for 2, 4, 6, 8, 10.. once I have these positions all down. I will be ready for promotion. As the defender, I'm having focal issues, when performing the kata by myself and using my imaginary opponent, I'm fine. My technique, timing and performance is great. Performing with attackers, well that's another story. Sensei had talked about a promise, the japanese word he used escapes me and I've looked through my book to find it but have yet to find it, but what it basically translates into is the promise that all students performing bunkai must have for their fellow performers, a promise to do the right move at the right time, so that a person can focus and perform efficiently. We had talked about my difficulties with performing the bunkai not because I don't know the kata but because I'm worried of not being able to get my technique in before I'm hit. So I'm now worried about the timing of other people. Are you seeing a progression here? I am. The other blogs I've written have been about my timing, and my performance and my inner struggles, now I've progressed to the point where its not only me, I'm working and performing with others, and now we have to get insync with each other, finding out how far we should be apart to perform this technique and do this application. This is truly the beauty of Shuri Ryu... it teaches you the basics, the foundation of how you will use your skills and then takes you with baby steps to the next level. Absolute transition with somewhat ease... *grin*.
Sensei commented tonight about my vision for perfection. He says it's admirable to see such passion in a person to be the best they can be, but also to give oneself some slack. He saw I was coming down hard on myself because I wasn't able to perform the way I wanted to, he reminded me to give myself credit and to not waste my energies (being down on myself and disheartened) on minor things (techniques, timing, etc.) he says it will all come in time. There was a time I was a die hard lifer in Isshinryu karate. I didn't see any other style that could compare to my first true love. But now, I see so much more... a new love is developing, maybe it's a more mature appreciation for the art. Maybe it's just a better understanding of who I am now and who I want to become. Its up to me to use the tools that are put in front of me, to be a better parent, a better person and a better martial artist. So I will take my baby steps, and step back from time to time to see how far I've come and also giving myself credit, and see where I'm going, but always with the big picture in mind, that being, not perfect, but the best I can be.
I got to the dojo well before my class was to start, so I sat in the change room and read the women in the martial arts magazine I had sitting in my car the last few weeks. At home I don't have time to read during the day, and for the last week or so, Rob and I have become couch potatoes at night. Just spending time curled in each other's arms watching tv. I can't complain. I love snuggling. But I digress. I paged through the magazines reading the articles that interested me and then headed out to the observation area. Karla was watching Beau, her son, in the youth class. I'm hoping she stays for the adult class because its nice to have female companionship as well. Karla and her son have been away from the dojo for the last week and a half, both had the same cold/flu that Rob and I had. They are on the mend but I let Karla know it will take a while until its fully out of the system.
The youth class is over and Karla is staying. Its just her and I with Sensei tonight. With Karla not being up to par in health, Sensei decided we were going to take things easy. Going over things slowly with only technique, no power, just getting the flow of things, which I was very happy with, especially having the day I just had. We did the Ippon slow, I worked on my 5 once again as Sensei took Karla up to Ippon 12. Then we did Kihon, and same thing, I worked on my 5, while Sensei went ahead with Karla up to 12. Then we did Wunsu Kata, twice, very slowly, just focusing on technique. Then we did Wunsu Bunkai (which is done with multiple partners, this is the application of the kata with attackers) with two attackers. Sensei was attackers 1, 3, 5, 7, 9 and 11 and Karla was attackers 2, 4, 6, 8, 10. We all start together, since I'm defending I'm the one who "calls the shots", with both attackers on either side of me, I call everyone to attention by saying, "Kiotsuke" (meaning Attention), "Rei" (meaning bow), Wunsu Bunkai, Saisho yoi (which translates as first beginning, but is basically the opening of the kata), then I say, "Attackers to position!" The first attacker stands in front of me and I start performing my kata but with purpose, I have people assisting me in the kata, them doing the attacking as I defend. We did this over and over, me being the defending for 3 whole rounds of Wunsu kata, then me being the attacker for 2, 4, 6, 8, 10.. once I have these positions all down. I will be ready for promotion. As the defender, I'm having focal issues, when performing the kata by myself and using my imaginary opponent, I'm fine. My technique, timing and performance is great. Performing with attackers, well that's another story. Sensei had talked about a promise, the japanese word he used escapes me and I've looked through my book to find it but have yet to find it, but what it basically translates into is the promise that all students performing bunkai must have for their fellow performers, a promise to do the right move at the right time, so that a person can focus and perform efficiently. We had talked about my difficulties with performing the bunkai not because I don't know the kata but because I'm worried of not being able to get my technique in before I'm hit. So I'm now worried about the timing of other people. Are you seeing a progression here? I am. The other blogs I've written have been about my timing, and my performance and my inner struggles, now I've progressed to the point where its not only me, I'm working and performing with others, and now we have to get insync with each other, finding out how far we should be apart to perform this technique and do this application. This is truly the beauty of Shuri Ryu... it teaches you the basics, the foundation of how you will use your skills and then takes you with baby steps to the next level. Absolute transition with somewhat ease... *grin*.
Sensei commented tonight about my vision for perfection. He says it's admirable to see such passion in a person to be the best they can be, but also to give oneself some slack. He saw I was coming down hard on myself because I wasn't able to perform the way I wanted to, he reminded me to give myself credit and to not waste my energies (being down on myself and disheartened) on minor things (techniques, timing, etc.) he says it will all come in time. There was a time I was a die hard lifer in Isshinryu karate. I didn't see any other style that could compare to my first true love. But now, I see so much more... a new love is developing, maybe it's a more mature appreciation for the art. Maybe it's just a better understanding of who I am now and who I want to become. Its up to me to use the tools that are put in front of me, to be a better parent, a better person and a better martial artist. So I will take my baby steps, and step back from time to time to see how far I've come and also giving myself credit, and see where I'm going, but always with the big picture in mind, that being, not perfect, but the best I can be.
Friday, October 16, 2009
My Daughter's Acclimation To The Dojo
Our family outing started with a short detour to our daughters’ favorite eating establishment, McDonalds. We wanted to make sure that they were fed and reasonably happy prior to getting to the dojo. I was very apprehensive about bringing them but also wanted them to see where I went every Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday morning.
I must say the whole eating in the car as we drive is waaaaaaaaay over rated. I had an orange soda between my feet, to my left (I wasn’t driving, I was shotgun this time) was an opened box of nuggets with fries put into the lid for easy access, a soda in the cup holder for Rob, another soda for myself in the dashboard cup holder, the glove box was open so it held both Rob’s and my fries, and in my hand was my deluxe Angus burger. Yep nothing can go wrong here. I must say, this should be one of the life lessons that should be a college course, for every wannabe parent. After getting situated, we started to move, the soda between my feet rolled over on its side, I was scrambling to put the burger down and to make sure the soda in the dashboard cup holder didn’t spill plus trying to unbuckle my seat belt to retrieve the rolling soda between my legs. I was seeing this wasn’t going at all like I expected it.
Well after the little mishap, onward we went, making our trek to Appleton to acclimate my children to dojo life. Upon arrival, I scanned the parking lot and noticed only Sensei’s vehicle in the parking lot. That’s a good sign, we were a bit early so the girls would be able to go into the dojo and get accustomed to it at their own pace. Getting the girls out of the Tahoe and into the dojo with my gear, their gear and not enough hands was a challenge but once in the door, there was a bit of relief, everyone was safe and sound.
First thing I did was bowed, hoping that the girls would notice this but knowing they would be too busy soaking up the atmosphere. I said hi to Sensei, Kira followed suit as well, she piped up saying, “Hello Sensei, I Kira!” Sensei looked like he melted, I saw the tenderness come into his eyes, Sensei said, “Hi Kira, how are you?” Kira was too busy already wanting to soak in and explore as much as she could, Sensei turned and looked at Nicole, saying, “and who are you?” since Nicole was a bit shy and not ready to answer yet, I spoke for her, “and that’s little Nicole”, Sensei said hi to both of my girls. Kira, like myself on first introduction to this dojo, even before I became a student, wanted to get out onto that mat. She still had her shoes on, so I had to tell her to get her shoes off first. After that, she headed over to Sensei to talk to him, of course, little Nicole followed suit. After about 15 minutes of playing with Sensei, kicking the soccer balls and running around, it was time for my class to start.
I must say that I was very proud of my little 2 year old and 3 year old. When Sensei said to put the balls away and sit down they listened with some coaching from both myself and Rob. I bowed in to start the class with both Tom and Sensei, Karla was still sick so she wasn’t in class. The girls and Rob were sitting in the observation area, my back was towards them so I couldn’t see them, just heard them. Rob was having fun getting them situated, I had packed some crayons and their coloring books and regular reading books should they become antsy. I was hoping it wasn’t going to be too much of a distraction for the class. We started warm ups, all the while, I was focusing my listening on them, doing the exercises to loosen up my muscles but always listening to see if they were behaving themselves.
After warm ups, we practiced Ippon, Kihon, and then Sensei said to review Wansu kata. At this point I believe we heard a crash, and little Kira’s voice saying, “I think I have a problem here.” Turning around I saw she had run into the Shoji screen outside the men’s change room. I looked quickly over at Rob, and he had this look of disappointment on his face, but a look of concern quickly replaced the disappointed look. Rob went and lifted the screen from my daughter and got her back to the observation area. I looked at Sensei, and quickly he said, “It’s okay, it’s okay” The screen was put back up, both my little energetic child nor the screen were damaged.
At this point Rob thought it was best to remove the girls for a bit. They left the dojo to watch a cartoon in the truck outside and also to finish the rest of their snacks. Sensei continued working the Bunkai to Wunsu with me and made me go over and over the techniques. I was exhausted, emotionally and physically. Putting a bit more effort into my techniques, concentrating on the application portions, and wanting Rob to see that “old me”. Over and over I practiced, both with Sensei being the attacker and me doing the defending. Sensei then left me alone to work on things myself as he went to teach Tom his new kata, Dan En Sho.
While I was working the kata by myself I had a revelation on one of the techniques, a part in Wunsu where I’m in cat stance, executing a knife hand thrust , brushing the imaginary punch away and stepping into the punch reinforcement, and then downward strike to the groan part. I had let out an “aaaayyy” in reaction to my revelation. Sensei came over and he said, what did you figure out. I told him what I found out, and how the technique just naturally flowed and he said, “What you have learned is far more advanced than what we teach white belts, good, good, continue… “ I saw the smile of satisfaction on his face, then he stopped me in the next moves to correct my stance and position and explained why I should do it that way. After I completed the kata for the 10th time in this class. I heard my babies come back into the dojo… Sensei looked at me, and said we have time to do the Bunkai one more time, I’m thinking he wanted my girls and my husband to see the progression since they had left. We went through the bunkai, him attacking and me defending as my family watched me. At the end when both Sensei and I bowed and finished the kata and bunkai. My whole body crumbled, the class was over.
We bowed out and everything became informal again, the girls took off their shoes and got back out on the mat and continued their play time with Sensei. After about 10 minutes, I told the girls it was time for our drive home. The girls said their goodbyes to Sensei and we started our way out of the door. Sensei had stopped Rob and was able to talk to him a bit about my progress. It was all good, the exchange left both the special people in my life happy that their meeting and my girls introduction went over well.
When we got back outside, Kira wanted to go back in because she forgot to give Sensei a kiss goodbye. I told her, “You can give him a kiss next time sweety, the next time you come to visit. “
I must say the whole eating in the car as we drive is waaaaaaaaay over rated. I had an orange soda between my feet, to my left (I wasn’t driving, I was shotgun this time) was an opened box of nuggets with fries put into the lid for easy access, a soda in the cup holder for Rob, another soda for myself in the dashboard cup holder, the glove box was open so it held both Rob’s and my fries, and in my hand was my deluxe Angus burger. Yep nothing can go wrong here. I must say, this should be one of the life lessons that should be a college course, for every wannabe parent. After getting situated, we started to move, the soda between my feet rolled over on its side, I was scrambling to put the burger down and to make sure the soda in the dashboard cup holder didn’t spill plus trying to unbuckle my seat belt to retrieve the rolling soda between my legs. I was seeing this wasn’t going at all like I expected it.
Well after the little mishap, onward we went, making our trek to Appleton to acclimate my children to dojo life. Upon arrival, I scanned the parking lot and noticed only Sensei’s vehicle in the parking lot. That’s a good sign, we were a bit early so the girls would be able to go into the dojo and get accustomed to it at their own pace. Getting the girls out of the Tahoe and into the dojo with my gear, their gear and not enough hands was a challenge but once in the door, there was a bit of relief, everyone was safe and sound.
First thing I did was bowed, hoping that the girls would notice this but knowing they would be too busy soaking up the atmosphere. I said hi to Sensei, Kira followed suit as well, she piped up saying, “Hello Sensei, I Kira!” Sensei looked like he melted, I saw the tenderness come into his eyes, Sensei said, “Hi Kira, how are you?” Kira was too busy already wanting to soak in and explore as much as she could, Sensei turned and looked at Nicole, saying, “and who are you?” since Nicole was a bit shy and not ready to answer yet, I spoke for her, “and that’s little Nicole”, Sensei said hi to both of my girls. Kira, like myself on first introduction to this dojo, even before I became a student, wanted to get out onto that mat. She still had her shoes on, so I had to tell her to get her shoes off first. After that, she headed over to Sensei to talk to him, of course, little Nicole followed suit. After about 15 minutes of playing with Sensei, kicking the soccer balls and running around, it was time for my class to start.
I must say that I was very proud of my little 2 year old and 3 year old. When Sensei said to put the balls away and sit down they listened with some coaching from both myself and Rob. I bowed in to start the class with both Tom and Sensei, Karla was still sick so she wasn’t in class. The girls and Rob were sitting in the observation area, my back was towards them so I couldn’t see them, just heard them. Rob was having fun getting them situated, I had packed some crayons and their coloring books and regular reading books should they become antsy. I was hoping it wasn’t going to be too much of a distraction for the class. We started warm ups, all the while, I was focusing my listening on them, doing the exercises to loosen up my muscles but always listening to see if they were behaving themselves.
After warm ups, we practiced Ippon, Kihon, and then Sensei said to review Wansu kata. At this point I believe we heard a crash, and little Kira’s voice saying, “I think I have a problem here.” Turning around I saw she had run into the Shoji screen outside the men’s change room. I looked quickly over at Rob, and he had this look of disappointment on his face, but a look of concern quickly replaced the disappointed look. Rob went and lifted the screen from my daughter and got her back to the observation area. I looked at Sensei, and quickly he said, “It’s okay, it’s okay” The screen was put back up, both my little energetic child nor the screen were damaged.
At this point Rob thought it was best to remove the girls for a bit. They left the dojo to watch a cartoon in the truck outside and also to finish the rest of their snacks. Sensei continued working the Bunkai to Wunsu with me and made me go over and over the techniques. I was exhausted, emotionally and physically. Putting a bit more effort into my techniques, concentrating on the application portions, and wanting Rob to see that “old me”. Over and over I practiced, both with Sensei being the attacker and me doing the defending. Sensei then left me alone to work on things myself as he went to teach Tom his new kata, Dan En Sho.
While I was working the kata by myself I had a revelation on one of the techniques, a part in Wunsu where I’m in cat stance, executing a knife hand thrust , brushing the imaginary punch away and stepping into the punch reinforcement, and then downward strike to the groan part. I had let out an “aaaayyy” in reaction to my revelation. Sensei came over and he said, what did you figure out. I told him what I found out, and how the technique just naturally flowed and he said, “What you have learned is far more advanced than what we teach white belts, good, good, continue… “ I saw the smile of satisfaction on his face, then he stopped me in the next moves to correct my stance and position and explained why I should do it that way. After I completed the kata for the 10th time in this class. I heard my babies come back into the dojo… Sensei looked at me, and said we have time to do the Bunkai one more time, I’m thinking he wanted my girls and my husband to see the progression since they had left. We went through the bunkai, him attacking and me defending as my family watched me. At the end when both Sensei and I bowed and finished the kata and bunkai. My whole body crumbled, the class was over.
We bowed out and everything became informal again, the girls took off their shoes and got back out on the mat and continued their play time with Sensei. After about 10 minutes, I told the girls it was time for our drive home. The girls said their goodbyes to Sensei and we started our way out of the door. Sensei had stopped Rob and was able to talk to him a bit about my progress. It was all good, the exchange left both the special people in my life happy that their meeting and my girls introduction went over well.
When we got back outside, Kira wanted to go back in because she forgot to give Sensei a kiss goodbye. I told her, “You can give him a kiss next time sweety, the next time you come to visit. “
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
When you don't give up, good things happen
Well after an emotional and deep thinking day, Rob convinced me that I needed my karate. So I started the 45 minute trek to Appleton. At the end of my driveway going onto Brule, two twits in two separate cars decided they were going to have a conversation in the middle of the street. So of course, I waited for them to end their conversation. Proceeding down the road some more, I turned onto Charles Street, and was behind a van that was going to go straight through the intersection but every time she tried to go, another car would come, and since she decided to hog the road, I had no luck in going around her to make my right turn. So there I sat. At this point I was thinking, maybe I should just stay home, the whole day was a huge frustration and it didn't seem like it was getting any better. Finally there was a break, she was able to go forward and through the intersection and I made my right turn onto Webster Avenue. Another intersection ahead I needed to make a left onto George Street, so I can go through the roundabout then over the bridge. A bus is making a left turn at the next intersection on George and Erie. I dove around on the right and got through the intersection. At this point, I was really thinking I was just going to turn around, screw it, people are just annoying me and it felt like the world was just trying to piss me off. Driving down the rest of George Street, I had no problems, down Main Street De Pere and over the bridge, no problems, getting onto Hwy 41 S, no problem. I was on cruise control now.. heading to Appleton. Well I got to the dojo at 5:30. I thought it very strange that Sensei's vehicle wasn't outside, or anyone else's for that matter. I parked, and got out and walked to the door. I called the Dojo, knowing no one was in there but leaving a message for Sensei letting him know I came and left. I went back to my car, and called home letting Rob know I was coming home... Rob suggested I wait until the start time of class just in case, I didn't receive an email or call from Sensei and knew it wasn't like him not to let me know of NO CLASS. So I sat and waited until 5:45. At 5:42, I see Tom driving towards me and park. He looks just as confused as I was. We discuss the possibilities of why Sensei's not there. He did have that seminar in South Carolina over the weekend. But still doesn't explain why Sensei wouldn't have called all of us. Tom leaves. I'm calling Rob to let him know I'm leaving Appleton, and while talking to Rob, Sensei shows up... I tell Rob that class is on. Any normal person would be annoyed. I was more concerned. This is not Sensei's way.
Dawning my gei and stepping out onto the mat, I realized I had Sensei all to myself tonight. This was going to be a good night. Get all my questions answered even the simpler ones I have. Sensei asked me what I wanted to work on tonight. I said Wunsu... he said good, then we will go through the kata, and dissect it... I was in my glory... he also said we were going to do Bunkai, which is the last thing I need for my promotion. I have 5 Ippon, 5 Kihon, 5 self defence moves, 3 Tae Kyo Ku, Wansu Kata and the last piece to the puzzle, the Bunkai (meaning interpretation and application - what the attacker is doing while you perform kata). We worked on this for the whole class, dissecting each move, applying theory, and performing... I was definitely in my element.
One thing I noticed though, doing the defending portion (the kata I've practiced over 100 times now) seemed to have flown out the window. It reminded me how I was when I was trying to learn how to drive a standard vehicle years ago with Crystal. At that time, I already knew how to drive a car, but getting the shifting and clutch thing added into the mix, made me forget how to steer the car. Crystal can attest how uncoordinated I was that day driving her mom's little Geo. I was glad I only had Sensei to watch my struggling. I must say he's a very patient man, and I love him for that. The hour class flew by. It was time to bow out and go home. Sensei and I talked about my future plans on going to Canada at least two more times by Christmas. I told him I wasn't too concerned about when I was getting promoted but had some questions about my daughters and husband coming to watch me when I get promoted. He said he didn't have a problem with it, but wanted me to feel comfortable and not distracted by their presence. He did suggest that they come to some classes prior to my promotion just to get them acclimated to the Dojo environment so that when and if they came to my promotion I wouldn't be distracted. So this upcoming Thursday, Rob and my little future karateka will be coming to watch me. Yes, I'm nervous. I haven't really performed for any of them. I can feel the self consciousness move in and the insecurities. I'm sure that will all dissipate once we all get there and class starts. It will be an eye opener for everyone I think. The girls haven't seen this side of Mommy, and it will show me if they will have an interest in it and maybe even the beginnings of love for the sport.
Dawning my gei and stepping out onto the mat, I realized I had Sensei all to myself tonight. This was going to be a good night. Get all my questions answered even the simpler ones I have. Sensei asked me what I wanted to work on tonight. I said Wunsu... he said good, then we will go through the kata, and dissect it... I was in my glory... he also said we were going to do Bunkai, which is the last thing I need for my promotion. I have 5 Ippon, 5 Kihon, 5 self defence moves, 3 Tae Kyo Ku, Wansu Kata and the last piece to the puzzle, the Bunkai (meaning interpretation and application - what the attacker is doing while you perform kata). We worked on this for the whole class, dissecting each move, applying theory, and performing... I was definitely in my element.
One thing I noticed though, doing the defending portion (the kata I've practiced over 100 times now) seemed to have flown out the window. It reminded me how I was when I was trying to learn how to drive a standard vehicle years ago with Crystal. At that time, I already knew how to drive a car, but getting the shifting and clutch thing added into the mix, made me forget how to steer the car. Crystal can attest how uncoordinated I was that day driving her mom's little Geo. I was glad I only had Sensei to watch my struggling. I must say he's a very patient man, and I love him for that. The hour class flew by. It was time to bow out and go home. Sensei and I talked about my future plans on going to Canada at least two more times by Christmas. I told him I wasn't too concerned about when I was getting promoted but had some questions about my daughters and husband coming to watch me when I get promoted. He said he didn't have a problem with it, but wanted me to feel comfortable and not distracted by their presence. He did suggest that they come to some classes prior to my promotion just to get them acclimated to the Dojo environment so that when and if they came to my promotion I wouldn't be distracted. So this upcoming Thursday, Rob and my little future karateka will be coming to watch me. Yes, I'm nervous. I haven't really performed for any of them. I can feel the self consciousness move in and the insecurities. I'm sure that will all dissipate once we all get there and class starts. It will be an eye opener for everyone I think. The girls haven't seen this side of Mommy, and it will show me if they will have an interest in it and maybe even the beginnings of love for the sport.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Alright, Alright. I went back to soon, but can you blame me...
Blame it on my stubbornness, blame it on my pride, whichever you blame, it's still me. Yes, I'm still sick. I needed my karate like a junky needs his drug. I was getting antsy, restless, and just plain tired of being couped up in a house full of sick people. I was past the contagious part of this cold, and I made sure I didn't cough on anyone so I'm all good.
Driving down to Appleton from De Pere has become a period of preparedness for me... I think about what I want to accomplish and get motivated by the music coming from my CD player. Today it was raining, so I had to pay more attention to the road because of it being extra slick and people just driving crazy. The music and being alone was enough motivation and it also put me into a better frame of mind. The week's stress just slowly drained away the closer I got to Appleton. I reflected on the little disagreement Rob and I had this morning and it was due to being couped up in the house and being tired of being sick and not being able to do what I wanted to do. I made a mental note to apologize for my crabbiness once I get home and the girls are in bed. I was feeling much better already, my mental state was getting to where it should be rather than knotted up like a little ball and waiting for the slightest thing to set me off. It's truly amazing what this sport has made me accomplish in such a short time. Now I was able to focus on what I wanted to accomplish tonight, reviewing mentally in my head, I knew I had to focus on power and strength in my techniques in kihon and proper timing in wunsu with the many different foot stances. I had so many questions I needed answered. Okay, I have my game plan, now to execute it. I was on a mission. To kick the cold out of my system and to get some much needed work done.
Upon arrival, I noticed that Karla was sitting in the observation area, gave her a quick hi wave, and headed to the change room. I've been gone for 4 classes, Tuesday, Thursday and the two classes on Saturday, lots can happen in that time span. I saw hanging up on the gei lockers, Karla's new GREEN belt.. she was promoted!!! I was happy for her but also disappointed that I missed watching the promotion. I got dressed quickly and headed out to the observation area. As I rounded the corner, she looked up and I smiled and I said, "You little stinker, you never told me you were getting promoted" then I told her to give me a high five (which now I kind of chuckle at now because that's what I do with my girls when they do something exceptional - Karla took it all in stride though, she's sooo cool that way). I noticed that Karla's son, Beau, was also promoted, he was sporting a new blue belt. I sat and watched the kids class finish up. Smiling when I saw them struggle with getting their techniques just right, thinking about when my own daughters will be doing the same thing in a few more years. Then it was our turn. Tom, our dojo's brown belt was also getting promoted tonight, to his second degree brown, there are three levels, he was on his third when the class started. While we did our warm up, Tom had his own assignments he had to meet for the physical requirements, 30 laps around the dojo, 150 front kicks, 2 minutes 15 minutes on the bag for upper body, and a whole slew of other things, abdominal workouts, leg drills, etc... During our warm up, I was asking Sensei about my promotion what the physical requirements were, he said, "pretty much the same thing, but we give lower belts less repetitions". My first thought was, "OHHHHHHHH JOY... I'm going to knock myself out even before I get promoted with all the running (I am big busted... haha)" Then thought, oh well, at least it's not tonight. As we did our regular warm up, I felt the week's tension leaving, I felt great.
Sensei then started our Ippon drills. This is when I realized I was coming back too soon... not even into Ippon #3 I was already winded. By the time I was doing my 5th Ippon, I was sweating and breathing hard. I was trying to control my breathing so Sensei wouldn't get me to rest (that's my stubbornness coming out and a little bit of pride), by the time I went over them again, I was feeling the sweat going down my back, the breathing was apparent now. Sensei asked me to go through my Ippons by myself and work out any issues I might have. I worked myself into a huge sweat, letting my pride play a huge role in not giving up to my fatigue. I went through them again, making sure I was using my proper stances, and using the floor for extra power in my punches and blocks. Sensei then switched things into doing Kihon... we did this for a while, then started doing kata. All the time, I felt like my body was rebelling against me. My body was crying out to me, "stop, you're not ready to come back" meanwhile, my heart and mind were telling me, "just a bit more, you can do it, just take your time" Sensei then came over to me, to see what issues I was having with the kata. I let him know that this was an Isshinryu/Shuri Ryu conflict again. Trying to do a kata that I was familiar with but in a different style. I also let him know I was trying to get the timing and stances correct. He smiled his knowing smile. This is what I love about Sensei, he teaches me not as a white belt, but as someone who has previous experience in the martial arts. He knows that I'm a perfectionist and knows I will not move forward until I have perfected the first sequences. I have the whole kata, he taught me it, now he sees I'm asking to tweek it and make it better.
We begin the opening, shows me the proper way of standing, how your feet should go out with this move, how they should transition to the next move with the next hand movements, and so on... he gives me the opening and two moves.. then says, work on that... I worked on the opening and the two moves for the remainder of the class. Focusing all my strength and energy into perfecting those small movements and transitions. A sign of a good sensei is letting your student work independently and then watch without watching from a distance. After much personal critiquing, I finally have those movements down. I'm satisfied with what I did. I look up and notice Sensei watching from the area where he's working with Tom, gives me a smile and a head nod. I DID GOOD.
This is going to be an upward battle for me, I'm hoping that as I become more physical, my body will become more healthier and more immune to the colds and flus out there. I now know I came back too soon. I've got a sweat soaked gei that I just put into the wash to be cleaned again. My body told me it was too soon, but my heart and soul told me to go and get what I needed. I feel great but extremely exhausted, now it's time for a shower.
Driving down to Appleton from De Pere has become a period of preparedness for me... I think about what I want to accomplish and get motivated by the music coming from my CD player. Today it was raining, so I had to pay more attention to the road because of it being extra slick and people just driving crazy. The music and being alone was enough motivation and it also put me into a better frame of mind. The week's stress just slowly drained away the closer I got to Appleton. I reflected on the little disagreement Rob and I had this morning and it was due to being couped up in the house and being tired of being sick and not being able to do what I wanted to do. I made a mental note to apologize for my crabbiness once I get home and the girls are in bed. I was feeling much better already, my mental state was getting to where it should be rather than knotted up like a little ball and waiting for the slightest thing to set me off. It's truly amazing what this sport has made me accomplish in such a short time. Now I was able to focus on what I wanted to accomplish tonight, reviewing mentally in my head, I knew I had to focus on power and strength in my techniques in kihon and proper timing in wunsu with the many different foot stances. I had so many questions I needed answered. Okay, I have my game plan, now to execute it. I was on a mission. To kick the cold out of my system and to get some much needed work done.
Upon arrival, I noticed that Karla was sitting in the observation area, gave her a quick hi wave, and headed to the change room. I've been gone for 4 classes, Tuesday, Thursday and the two classes on Saturday, lots can happen in that time span. I saw hanging up on the gei lockers, Karla's new GREEN belt.. she was promoted!!! I was happy for her but also disappointed that I missed watching the promotion. I got dressed quickly and headed out to the observation area. As I rounded the corner, she looked up and I smiled and I said, "You little stinker, you never told me you were getting promoted" then I told her to give me a high five (which now I kind of chuckle at now because that's what I do with my girls when they do something exceptional - Karla took it all in stride though, she's sooo cool that way). I noticed that Karla's son, Beau, was also promoted, he was sporting a new blue belt. I sat and watched the kids class finish up. Smiling when I saw them struggle with getting their techniques just right, thinking about when my own daughters will be doing the same thing in a few more years. Then it was our turn. Tom, our dojo's brown belt was also getting promoted tonight, to his second degree brown, there are three levels, he was on his third when the class started. While we did our warm up, Tom had his own assignments he had to meet for the physical requirements, 30 laps around the dojo, 150 front kicks, 2 minutes 15 minutes on the bag for upper body, and a whole slew of other things, abdominal workouts, leg drills, etc... During our warm up, I was asking Sensei about my promotion what the physical requirements were, he said, "pretty much the same thing, but we give lower belts less repetitions". My first thought was, "OHHHHHHHH JOY... I'm going to knock myself out even before I get promoted with all the running (I am big busted... haha)" Then thought, oh well, at least it's not tonight. As we did our regular warm up, I felt the week's tension leaving, I felt great.
Sensei then started our Ippon drills. This is when I realized I was coming back too soon... not even into Ippon #3 I was already winded. By the time I was doing my 5th Ippon, I was sweating and breathing hard. I was trying to control my breathing so Sensei wouldn't get me to rest (that's my stubbornness coming out and a little bit of pride), by the time I went over them again, I was feeling the sweat going down my back, the breathing was apparent now. Sensei asked me to go through my Ippons by myself and work out any issues I might have. I worked myself into a huge sweat, letting my pride play a huge role in not giving up to my fatigue. I went through them again, making sure I was using my proper stances, and using the floor for extra power in my punches and blocks. Sensei then switched things into doing Kihon... we did this for a while, then started doing kata. All the time, I felt like my body was rebelling against me. My body was crying out to me, "stop, you're not ready to come back" meanwhile, my heart and mind were telling me, "just a bit more, you can do it, just take your time" Sensei then came over to me, to see what issues I was having with the kata. I let him know that this was an Isshinryu/Shuri Ryu conflict again. Trying to do a kata that I was familiar with but in a different style. I also let him know I was trying to get the timing and stances correct. He smiled his knowing smile. This is what I love about Sensei, he teaches me not as a white belt, but as someone who has previous experience in the martial arts. He knows that I'm a perfectionist and knows I will not move forward until I have perfected the first sequences. I have the whole kata, he taught me it, now he sees I'm asking to tweek it and make it better.
We begin the opening, shows me the proper way of standing, how your feet should go out with this move, how they should transition to the next move with the next hand movements, and so on... he gives me the opening and two moves.. then says, work on that... I worked on the opening and the two moves for the remainder of the class. Focusing all my strength and energy into perfecting those small movements and transitions. A sign of a good sensei is letting your student work independently and then watch without watching from a distance. After much personal critiquing, I finally have those movements down. I'm satisfied with what I did. I look up and notice Sensei watching from the area where he's working with Tom, gives me a smile and a head nod. I DID GOOD.
This is going to be an upward battle for me, I'm hoping that as I become more physical, my body will become more healthier and more immune to the colds and flus out there. I now know I came back too soon. I've got a sweat soaked gei that I just put into the wash to be cleaned again. My body told me it was too soon, but my heart and soul told me to go and get what I needed. I feel great but extremely exhausted, now it's time for a shower.
Friday, October 2, 2009
Change of Season Brings Chaos To My Training.
Well since I've been back in the states from my visit to Canada, I've had two very bad respiratory colds. This last one is quite the kick in the face though. I've missed all this week of training. I'm trying to convince myself I'm going to be ready for tomorrow's weapons and karate class. But I'm not a fool, there's no way I will be able to "tough" it out for 2 and 1/2 hours.
So I sit here and wallow in my misery. Since I've started back into the martial arts, I put my heart and soul into getting back the old skills that I've left buried for the past 10-12 years. Refining them and getting myself into the Shuri Ryu frame of mind. I have to applaud myself for all my endeveours thus far because I think I overcame many huge psychological and physical hurtles. Being away from the way of life has made me into a whole different person, both mentally and physically. I've gained well over 100 lbs and lost pretty much all determination at ever getting my black belt. It took one major blow out with my husband, a bit of councelling and a mental kick in the ass from both my husband and myself to do something about the rut I was in. I'm thankful I was up for the challenge because over the last few months, I've seen astonishing results. I'm more happier, have more energy, my whole outlook on life has changed and matured, and I'm getting muscle tone where once there was only dense body mass. Yes, this reflection is good for me. I'm not wallowing in my misery anymore, maybe this cold was just what my mind needed, a mental break from memorizing techniques and looking at how far I've come and accomplished.
It doesn't change how much I want to get back into my studies though. I yearn for more knowledge. Tonight, despite the cold and hard time I'm having just breathing, I took out the nunchaku. This weapon is definitely my nemesis. I'm not saying I detest it. I just don't like how uncoordinated I am with it. The bo and sai were easy to get back into training with. I absolutely love the bo. The nunchaku, not so much. Last week I practiced and practiced, pretty much the whole class just to get one technique to flow, that would be executing a punch then bringing the nunchaku to ready stance on the opposite shoulder. I couldn't get the technique to even remotely go where I wanted it to. So, tonight, after I put the girls to bed, tried the technique for a bit, with no luck. I need more room to maneveur. I'm afraid I'm going to hit the ceiling fan, or accidentally hit our 55 gallon saltwater aquarium or our beloved television. So I will have to just wait for this blasted cold to leave my body. This is Day 6 of the cold, I'm past the contagious part, so I'm good to go to the dojo should my respiratory portion let me in the morning. In the meantime, I will read my reference book, Karatedo - Art Sport Science, and gain knowledge that way.
So I sit here and wallow in my misery. Since I've started back into the martial arts, I put my heart and soul into getting back the old skills that I've left buried for the past 10-12 years. Refining them and getting myself into the Shuri Ryu frame of mind. I have to applaud myself for all my endeveours thus far because I think I overcame many huge psychological and physical hurtles. Being away from the way of life has made me into a whole different person, both mentally and physically. I've gained well over 100 lbs and lost pretty much all determination at ever getting my black belt. It took one major blow out with my husband, a bit of councelling and a mental kick in the ass from both my husband and myself to do something about the rut I was in. I'm thankful I was up for the challenge because over the last few months, I've seen astonishing results. I'm more happier, have more energy, my whole outlook on life has changed and matured, and I'm getting muscle tone where once there was only dense body mass. Yes, this reflection is good for me. I'm not wallowing in my misery anymore, maybe this cold was just what my mind needed, a mental break from memorizing techniques and looking at how far I've come and accomplished.
It doesn't change how much I want to get back into my studies though. I yearn for more knowledge. Tonight, despite the cold and hard time I'm having just breathing, I took out the nunchaku. This weapon is definitely my nemesis. I'm not saying I detest it. I just don't like how uncoordinated I am with it. The bo and sai were easy to get back into training with. I absolutely love the bo. The nunchaku, not so much. Last week I practiced and practiced, pretty much the whole class just to get one technique to flow, that would be executing a punch then bringing the nunchaku to ready stance on the opposite shoulder. I couldn't get the technique to even remotely go where I wanted it to. So, tonight, after I put the girls to bed, tried the technique for a bit, with no luck. I need more room to maneveur. I'm afraid I'm going to hit the ceiling fan, or accidentally hit our 55 gallon saltwater aquarium or our beloved television. So I will have to just wait for this blasted cold to leave my body. This is Day 6 of the cold, I'm past the contagious part, so I'm good to go to the dojo should my respiratory portion let me in the morning. In the meantime, I will read my reference book, Karatedo - Art Sport Science, and gain knowledge that way.
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