Revelations of the Cranky Karate Mom

Today was a very frustrating one. I was very crabby, and it seemed everything I did, I wasn't doing it fast enough, or good enough, I was always lacking. So to add to my frustrations was the annoyance of not being able to be with oneself, to keep the mood away from others so it doesn't spread like a disease and infect everyone in its path. Well being a stay at home mom, that's not going to happen unless you have some reliable babysitters or a nanny to take care of your children. I was a frazzled mess by the time Rob came home. I sat on the couch and just let the girls climb all over me, I was done even trying to fight and move them off of me. I just didn't care. I was done. I wasn't even going to go to the dojo because the mood I was in. Rob had convinced me otherwise. He knows me better than I know myself sometimes.

I got to the dojo well before my class was to start, so I sat in the change room and read the women in the martial arts magazine I had sitting in my car the last few weeks. At home I don't have time to read during the day, and for the last week or so, Rob and I have become couch potatoes at night. Just spending time curled in each other's arms watching tv. I can't complain. I love snuggling. But I digress. I paged through the magazines reading the articles that interested me and then headed out to the observation area. Karla was watching Beau, her son, in the youth class. I'm hoping she stays for the adult class because its nice to have female companionship as well. Karla and her son have been away from the dojo for the last week and a half, both had the same cold/flu that Rob and I had. They are on the mend but I let Karla know it will take a while until its fully out of the system.

The youth class is over and Karla is staying. Its just her and I with Sensei tonight. With Karla not being up to par in health, Sensei decided we were going to take things easy. Going over things slowly with only technique, no power, just getting the flow of things, which I was very happy with, especially having the day I just had. We did the Ippon slow, I worked on my 5 once again as Sensei took Karla up to Ippon 12. Then we did Kihon, and same thing, I worked on my 5, while Sensei went ahead with Karla up to 12. Then we did Wunsu Kata, twice, very slowly, just focusing on technique. Then we did Wunsu Bunkai (which is done with multiple partners, this is the application of the kata with attackers) with two attackers. Sensei was attackers 1, 3, 5, 7, 9 and 11 and Karla was attackers 2, 4, 6, 8, 10. We all start together, since I'm defending I'm the one who "calls the shots", with both attackers on either side of me, I call everyone to attention by saying, "Kiotsuke" (meaning Attention), "Rei" (meaning bow), Wunsu Bunkai, Saisho yoi (which translates as first beginning, but is basically the opening of the kata), then I say, "Attackers to position!" The first attacker stands in front of me and I start performing my kata but with purpose, I have people assisting me in the kata, them doing the attacking as I defend. We did this over and over, me being the defending for 3 whole rounds of Wunsu kata, then me being the attacker for 2, 4, 6, 8, 10.. once I have these positions all down. I will be ready for promotion. As the defender, I'm having focal issues, when performing the kata by myself and using my imaginary opponent, I'm fine. My technique, timing and performance is great. Performing with attackers, well that's another story. Sensei had talked about a promise, the japanese word he used escapes me and I've looked through my book to find it but have yet to find it, but what it basically translates into is the promise that all students performing bunkai must have for their fellow performers, a promise to do the right move at the right time, so that a person can focus and perform efficiently. We had talked about my difficulties with performing the bunkai not because I don't know the kata but because I'm worried of not being able to get my technique in before I'm hit. So I'm now worried about the timing of other people. Are you seeing a progression here? I am. The other blogs I've written have been about my timing, and my performance and my inner struggles, now I've progressed to the point where its not only me, I'm working and performing with others, and now we have to get insync with each other, finding out how far we should be apart to perform this technique and do this application. This is truly the beauty of Shuri Ryu... it teaches you the basics, the foundation of how you will use your skills and then takes you with baby steps to the next level. Absolute transition with somewhat ease... *grin*.

Sensei commented tonight about my vision for perfection. He says it's admirable to see such passion in a person to be the best they can be, but also to give oneself some slack. He saw I was coming down hard on myself because I wasn't able to perform the way I wanted to, he reminded me to give myself credit and to not waste my energies (being down on myself and disheartened) on minor things (techniques, timing, etc.) he says it will all come in time. There was a time I was a die hard lifer in Isshinryu karate. I didn't see any other style that could compare to my first true love. But now, I see so much more... a new love is developing, maybe it's a more mature appreciation for the art. Maybe it's just a better understanding of who I am now and who I want to become. Its up to me to use the tools that are put in front of me, to be a better parent, a better person and a better martial artist. So I will take my baby steps, and step back from time to time to see how far I've come and also giving myself credit, and see where I'm going, but always with the big picture in mind, that being, not perfect, but the best I can be.